SB LACROIX

11 April, 2010 – Sunday 11:23pm

I’ve been banging my head against a wall for so many years; I can’t remember when it all started. But I’ll be damned if I give up.  I miss what it was before it became tainted; like everything becomes when money is involved. I miss what it gave me, how it saved me, how it defined me; in some ways it has now become is my tormentor. People rarely comprehend the full impact of the power of words, until they bleed them. 

13 April, 2010 – Tuesday 3:24am

This day is only 3 hours old and I’ve already got it full of things to do. Sleep is first on the list of course, as it is a necessity. There are lots of good things happening as of late and lots more to come. It seems so many people I’ve talked with have had a rough six months or so. Things aren’t good out there right now economically speaking, and life can be very complicated at times.

Find solace in the simple things in life. Go for a walk. Feed the birds. Rake the lawn. Clean the house. Put on your favorite music and just lose yourself in something. Turn off the television, get away from your computer, and leave your cell phone. Go enjoy the great outdoors and the simple things in life. You know that old cliché, the best things in life are free? Well, it’s true. Count your blessings every time you want to complain. I do and they pile up so high I wonder why on earth I have the right to complain at all.

It’s certainly okay to be depressed and feel sad. Process your darker emotions and when you’re ready and when you can, let them go. It’s amazing how free we become when we just let go. Be well and find happiness where you can, whenever you can, even on the days you feel anything but. On my darkest days I watch the birds at the window feeder. They’ve not a care in the world but getting their daily intake of sunflower seeds. I watch them until I find peace, until I realize all the cares I hold in this life mean little compared to all I am blessed with. Even in my darkest moods, I keep trying to see the bright side of life. That may be something about me few people know: I’m an optimist. But there are times it gets so dark, I can’t see. I wrote my way through that darkness, put some of that writing it in a book, and published it. I took something unpleasant and did something constructive with it. Dark poetry is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I didn’t write it for everyone; I wrote it for me and it served me well. It just so happens other people can relate; those of us prone to the darkness, perhaps.  

There are some memories when revisited due to some occurrence in the present become a Pandora’s box of past events, flooding one’s conscious memory with pain that was buried so deep, it should have stayed dead. The feeling of the rug being pulled out from underneath becomes dominate as I struggle to make sense of a flooding sadness I can’t seem to stop from consuming me. I fight, as I always do, to remain in control, to stop the weeping I can’t seem to help but do. It isn’t until I realize I’ve opened such a box, and unleashed past pain, do I allow myself to stop fighting. I sit myself down and have a good cry, even if I don’t know what I’m crying for. It is then I accept we can’t rationalize every emotion that floods us unexpectedly, nor should we try. It is what it is, and whatever it is, just let it happen. It will pass, eventually. Everything in this life always does.  

15 April, 2010 – Thursday, 1:23pm

The universe has a way of seeking balance. While I have been known to help that balance along, it was coming regardless. If you sow it, reap it. If you did it, own it. People need to take responsibility for their actions and stop putting the blame on someone (or something) else.

The devil made me do it! (Please, you wanted to do it or you wouldn’t have. Sin like you mean it.) They cut me out of their life! (Get over yourself, the world does not revolve around you, and maybe they had a good reason to.) They reported me! (Well, if you hadn’t done something you shouldn’t have, that wouldn’t be an issue, would it?)

I’m beyond tired of people who cannot accept responsibility for their actions and their choices. Even the mentally ill are held accountable for things they did while not in their right mind. You may have an explanation for your behavior, but you rarely have an excuse. Note, I stated rarely. There are instances when a person has a valid excuse for their behavior, most often, however; their actions are merely explained, and they are still held accountable. Perhaps that is where we have gone wrong as a society; we are always trying to pass off an explanation as an excuse.

I finish as I started: the universe has a way of seeking balance. If for some reasons it lets you slide, you can bet someday you’ll come across a person who won’t.